What have I done wrong to deserve this treatment from you?

Time passes and it's 2017. Many days, weeks, months and years passes without feeling any different. Well, it's just another day. My life have been a mixture of happiness and sadness. I always wonder, what have I done wrong to deserve this treatment from you. Whatever you are happy, it's a normal living for me, but whenever your mood swing, I suffer. Why, I also don't know!! I don't what's went wrong and suddenly I have treated like this. Tears just flow uncontrollably and heart deeply pain as I also don't know what have I done to deserve this. My life depending on your mood,my tears depends on your mood, so Who am I???

Back blogging - Feeling Sad!

I am back cause there's a lot of things I would like to talk to someone! Someone who can share my sadness, unfortunately, there isn't anyone!!!! Time passes, and M is turning 14 and me 44. The older M get, the harder to communicate with him. He is not doing well in his studies and he doesn't see a point to improve them. But the sadness, is his personality. I am more worried on this than his studies. We have a big fight yesterday over a pair of shoe. He wanted to get a pair on new Nike shoe and yes, I have agreed to buy for him. We went to the shop, sadly they run out of his size and will stock-up and be available at the end of the month. Immediately, his facial expression change. M pull a long face and show his black face. I told him, he can always get it at the end of the month as there's no hurry, but he didn't reply me and stop talking anymore. I have been always very upset and angry with his this attitude and I felt I have been always bullied by him because I have been to nice to him. I felt that he had no respect for me, he shouted back at me when I told him off in the car. Told him if he fail any subject, he will be grounded during school holidays. He answer that I cannot control him cause I have no rights!!!!! Told him that I will not give him any extra pocket money for school holidays, he answer me that he can take from him father. But I told him I will ask papa not to give him, he answer me I have no rights!!! Gods!! Will you get mad if you son told to you this way. I admit I was pretty loud but that's because his attitude is really bad. If I don't teach him, he is going to be like this when he grows older. That's really bad!! When you don't get what you want, you just throw your tantrum and 'ugly' black face. crying-smiley.png I have stop talking to him cause I am upset

My Life Will Never Be The Same .....

It has never occurred to me that this will happen to me, and yesterday (01112010) really make a new turn to my life. And the most painful things is, the person who hurt me most is the one who I have been living and taking care of for the past 13 years. It was like a knife pierced thru my heart. After 13 years, yesterday was the worst day of my life. And today, my life will never be the same again ...

Chinese New Year 2010

Dad was finally discharged from SGH on 5 Feb, after 30 days stay in the hospital. I am extremely glad and relieved that he is on the road of recovering. My greatest thanks to Dr Lim Chong Hee for his excellent care to my dad and also to him and his staff for the constant updates on my dad's conditions during his hospitalisation.

Dad is doing rather well at home now, after 16 days from his discharged. His health is improving and he doesn't felt breathless anymore except.. he is still not on normal diet. He eats like soft diet food, porridge, mee suan, mince meat, bread with milk. But I am glad he is doing well. Dad will be back for review with Dr Lim on 2 March and I am hoping he will be fully recovered by then so dad can visit TCM to boost up his immune system and his health as he had lost a lot of weight during the last 1 month.

Today is already the 8th day of Chinese New Year and I have also got a new maid, Robie. She is a mother of a 9 months old baby boy and is 26 years old. Tall and rather pretty. So far, I find her quite ok except that she doesn't clean that well. Guess that can be train. Most importantly, she has to behaved and not fool around and create problem for me. I am not fussy, but she has to keep the house clean and neat while HB and myself are at work.

Chinese New Year has so far being good and I will be starting work tomorrow after a 8 days yearly break from work. And I wish all my family members good health, good wealth and happiness always. For those who are schooling, wishing their studies with flying colours and those working, all the best years ahead. For my parents, wishing them good health, happiness always. For my HB, good business, good wealth, good health. Earn more $$$ and get me a Rolex watch. Heehee.... For myself, good health, good wealth, good skin, loose weigh, stay young & beautiful always.. heehee...

For everyone, "HUAT" ar!

Back with a 'Heavy' heart

I am back with a very heavy heart after so many had happened recently. Dad diagnosed with Lung Cancer, had his surgery, unexpected happening.. so sad .. so sad...

Since 6 Jan 2010, the day dad was admitted to SGH.. till today, sad to say that he is still in the hospital.. Day 25 stay in the hospital for dad.. and the surgery has caused some side effect to his vocal cord.. unfortunately, his left vocal cord is damaged. He has speech problem and not able to swallow food. Dad was referred to ENT doctor for futher treatments. He might need a surgery to shift the position of his damagaged vocal cord nearer to his airway, so that he could talk and able to swallow food. But with his current condition, he might not be sutiable for surgery. ENT doctor is suggesting instead of the surgery, perhaps a bulk injection will ease his current conditions temporary. At least for a couple of months or have his discharged and go home. Chinese New year is around the corner and I really hope tht dad could go home and celebrate with us. It actually sadden me to see him like this.

There are more issues other than dad's that are upsetting me recently. M is not doing well in school. He behaves badly. With my daily visit to hospital, my attention to M has lessen, I no longer doing the revision with M on his studies, I no longer checking his school work. To my disbelieve, M got his first science spelling 0/10. This is very upsetting, E doesn't bother on M's school work. He felt that M should be more independance and should take care of his school work by himself. But who are we taking about here.. a eight years old playful kid. Don't you think that he will automatically do his work without being told? That's M, we are taking about here. E got angry with M last week and threw his 'Animal Kaiser' card collection booklet out of the car. I felt that is very quick tempered. Sometime I really don't understand him, sometime I felt that I don't know this person. I constantly told myself, this is what life is all about. You were young, you grown up, you married, you gave birth and now you suffer. Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. am I suffering right now? Sometimes... Do I have a happy life? Did I married the right one? Am I a good mother? I constantly asking myself all these question when I am upsetting and down.. the only answer to them.... "CRYING to sleep" zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz