I am back blogging

A brand new year ahead, but I am back with a heavy heart.. feeling tired, confused and lost.

December 2009, dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to underwent surgery to have his left lung completely remove. It sadden me terribly. Doctor's suggestion is to have the left lung completely remove so that the cancer will not spread to his other parts of the body.

2010, I welcome this brand new year with a heavy and stressful heart. I were full of hope for his speedy recovery. The day arrive, 6 January 2010. Dad was to have his surgery done in SGH. I remembered clearly the 'image' when he was wheeled into the Operation Theatre. Tears just flow down from my eye and I could not control that at all. I held his hand tightly and told that mum, bro and myself will be right outside waiting from him. Minutes, hours passes and we were anxiously waiting for him to be wheel out of the theatre. The cloud seem to be truns grey although sun shining brightly outside. As I was looking out of the Operation Waiting Room, I saw a familiar face being wheeled out to ICU. Yes, that's my dad. He looks tired. Doctor said the surgery was very successful.

Dad was in ICU for a day and then tranfer to normal ward 56 for recovering. On the fourth day after his surgery, one cold windy night, my mobile rang at around 3.30am. A call from SGH ward 56. The nurse on the line told me that my dad has become breathless and had difficulty breathing and was to send to High Dependency ward for monitoring. I am left with a heavy and worrying heart. My mobile rang again at 7.30am. This time is the ward doctor who called to said that my dad is being send to ICU to have incubator inserted into his throat. My heart is like a knife poking thru. And I have a feeling that that doesn't sound good at all. I rang mum and bro and rush to SGH.

Those 'God Damn' registration staff at the lobby refused to let me enter. I told them that my dad had just been send into ICU and I needed to be there to find out more info. The staff rang ICU and upon the staff nurse 'ok', they reluctantly allow my entry. I don't understand what kind of system SGH has. Can they understand that at that particular moment we just needed support and not refusal. I felt that the system is not flexible enough. They cannot understand the feeling of ours at that moment but they continue to agitate us. Sigh!!! No wonder, people break rules all the time, cause rule and human are different. Human has brain, rules don't.

Dad's right lung has been infected and there is blockage to prevent oxygen into the right lung (only one left). This is worrying, we are at a loss. What do we need to do, what are the doctor planning to do. The answer were always 'it takes a bit more time'. I almost collapse, lost, blank. One middle of the night, I was awoke with a terrible chest pain, I thought I am dying and I couldn't breathe properly. I suffer all this in the slient by myself. The pain brought me to sleep. I told myself I have to do something, I cannot let my dad suffer in pain cause I have been thru it. Should he be changed to private hospital? Should we bring him to a Professor? (By the way, I am not saying his doctor is no good, it just that I wanted solution). All sort of questions bothering me and I have no one to advice me. I wanted to discuss with the doctor, but I kept missing him whenever I visit dad in the hospital. Well, this is SGH, a government subsidize hospital, not Gleneagle Hospital, where you can phone the doctor anytime to discuss. I told myself, when I get old, I will not go to Government Hospital cause I never like their system, their long waiting time. With the long waiting appointment time, the dying patient died even before he gets to see the doctor in his next appointment.

Anger, anxiety, lost, blured, sadden, etc.... lead me to write a email to Mr Khaw, our Minister of Health. I shared with him my experience in SGH and suggested that the hospital should allocate some time for the doctor to meet the patient's familly member. The doctor can update the condition and give some kind of assurance to the family member. Right? Isn't that a wonderful suggestion? What a brilliant feedback??????

I have never felt so embarrassed in my life.